I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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