Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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