I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize