I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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