A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
