ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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