My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we made out on top of his cat.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
