jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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