You really coming over, don't trick.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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