She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
