We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
well you can't waste a boner
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
