I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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