found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
