When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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