sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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