I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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