Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
