The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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