My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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