I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
