I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
