So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
