wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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