Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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