I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
