Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
