the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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