dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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