i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
