well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
