well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
