I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
