there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
