I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
