very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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