Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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