i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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