the condom got lost in my hair
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize