what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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