final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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