I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
