Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
