the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
