There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
