even my farts smell like vagina
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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