You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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