I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
