there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it penis luge time yet?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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