Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
