somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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