That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
