In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
