What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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