I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize