I'm gonna have a badass scar
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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