You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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