It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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