Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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