First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize