sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
