there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
