I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
