when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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