tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
