It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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