Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
