ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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