I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
