you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
