I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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