i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
