we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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