You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
