note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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