I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
